Have I Ever Fallen in Love?

Throughout my life, I have often questioned whether I have ever truly experienced falling in love. Love, as a concept, feels elusive, abstract, and deeply personal. What does it mean to fall in love? What does it feel like? And have I ever been in love? These are questions I have asked myself countless times, yet the answers remain unclear.

I believe that every person has their own definition of love. It is a freedom that cannot be fully synchronized between individuals because love is shaped by personal experiences, emotions, and perspectives. Some may define love as an intense emotional connection with another person, while others may view it as a deep appreciation or attachment to something beyond human relationships—perhaps to an idea, a memory, or even an object.

This is why the concept of love itself is complex and layered. However, if the discussion narrows to the idea of a man falling in love with a woman, then I must revisit my own experiences and ask myself: have I ever truly fallen in love?

I have often felt an attraction toward women—a natural interest, a curiosity, a desire to know them better. But does that qualify as love? For me, attraction and admiration are far from what I would call true love. Liking someone is just that—liking. It is a fleeting emotion that can be influenced by countless factors, from appearance to personality to shared interests. It often stirs a desire to get closer to someone, to understand them more deeply, and perhaps even to be with them. But is that enough to call it love?

I have felt drawn to women for various reasons. Sometimes, it is as simple as being captivated by their presence. Other times, it is a fascination with their way of thinking, their confidence, or the way they carry themselves. Yet, despite these feelings, I have never been convinced that what I have experienced is truly love.

For me, relationships have always felt complicated, and to be honest, I dislike the idea of being in one. While many see relationships as a step forward, a commitment to building a future together, I cannot help but see them as a burden—an entanglement that often leads to unnecessary complications. In my perspective, 90% of relationships are an illusion, a cycle of mutual delusion where two people convince themselves of permanence in a world that is ever-changing. Why do people tie themselves to one another when they can never truly guarantee that they will endure the bonds they create?

Love, in its most romanticized form, seems to demand a kind of certainty that I struggle to believe in. People speak of soulmates, of destiny, of eternal devotion, but I see love as something far more transient, more unpredictable. It is not that I reject the idea of love altogether, but rather that I question its necessity.

Some might argue that love is what gives life meaning, that it is the most profound human experience. But is it? Or is it merely a construct designed to give us a sense of purpose, a way to anchor ourselves to something outside of our own existence?

I find more comfort in ideas, in knowledge, in the pursuit of something greater than fleeting emotions. Perhaps that is where my true passion lies—not in love, not in relationships, but in the endless quest to understand the world and my place within it.

So, have I ever fallen in love? Maybe. Maybe not. Or maybe, just maybe, love is not something that I seek, nor something that I need to define my existence.